Hello beautiful xanga community!

Didya miss me as much as I missed you? =D

OK, so, it's getting pretty late here and as I intend to start tomorrow "as if it were on purpose," I must turn in soon, HOWEVER, not before I quickly update you guys (aka my max of 12 random views and 0 comments aka silent fans teehee!) on my latest "Christcapades" (yeah, I just made that word up so don't steal it. It's copyrighted. =P). Since going through the circles that were the end of my freshman year at uni and experiencing a ton of new things, finding myself in dozens of unfamilliar situations, and being a general college student, I came to realize exactly how far away from God I'd become. I'd forgotten (and quite possibly ignored) all of the resolutions I had made at the start of the year. Rather than grow in Christ, I had grown in the ways of the world. I won't go into all of the mistakes I made because noone has time for that but, I will say that I learned from all of them and I don't regret them for a second. By making these mistakes (noneofwhich were too negatively life-altering) I learned exactly what I need to focus my thoughts and efforts on and exaclty what I don't need to. Most importantly of all, I (re)learned that without Christ in my life, I was and am, nothing. I was an empty shell and although i felt him pulling at my heartstrings, I did nothing to change the things I did. Fortunately for me, since coming home, I've come back to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour, and intend to never leave his side again! =D

For the past couple of weeks, I've submerged myself in a sort of Christ centered bubble - reading my Bible just about daily and even sometimes througout the day or while on the bus, listening to my favorite christian radio station to keep my spirit and thoughts uplifted in the Lord, and by talking to fellow Christians about things I've read, things that I'm confused about, and generally discussing the immense beauty that is our Creator.

Today was a great day. Twice God smiled upon me and provided for me as he does the birds and the wild flowers. Firstly, this morning before work, I stopped at  nearby fast-food restaurant to grab some breakfast. While standing there I realized that I forgot to grab a bottle of water before leaving home and as my bank has yet to post my latest deposit, my funds were/are horrendously low, there was no way I could afford enough food to keep me til late afternoon AND a drink and I can't eat anything without a drink (especially not the breakfast biscuit and has brown I intended on ordering). Right as I was about to make a a bad financial decision, a young woman behind the counter looked as me and asked, "Hey, do you want an iced mocha coffee? It's free." Turns out she had made it for a drive-thru patron who had actually ordered hot coffee and rather than disposed of it, as per company policy, she gave it me, one of the many people waiting in line to order. In all of my years of people watching in fat food joints, I have never seen anyone recieve free goods.

A bit ago, after tidying my bedroom, I went to make my bed and couldn't find a fitted sheet in the proper size for the life of me. Defeated, I grabbed a flat sheet and decided to just throw it over another flat sheet already on my bed. However, as I fixed the first sheet, I realized that it was stained. At first I thought that as I was going to cover it with the second sheet anyway, it didn't matter. Then I decided against it.  My bed, my room, is my refuge. It's where I open my eyes and thank the Lord for another day, it's where I pray, where I hide, where I calm down, where I cry, where I dream, and where I hope. I saw it as a metaphor. The stains wouldn't remain covered for long. In my kicking and twisting "escape-from-the-jungle" sleep as my mum calls it, The top sheet would shift and come morning, that stained sheet would be revealed to the world.  Hiding the stains under a clean sheet was what I was trying to get away from. I strive to be completely transparent through Christ. I don't want to just cover up my "stains" and just hope to God that the façade that is the top sheet stays on. I want my true self to be revealed to the world. With that I went back to the linen closet, determined to find another sheet. Three seconds after opening the door I saw a lagre sheet that I decided to pair with the clean one in my room. Upon opening it, I realized that it was some odd, double fitted/flat sheet combo contraption that in my 11+ years of living in my house, I've never seen in my life, and looked pretty well used. Again, God provided for me in my time of need. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD that, when I was in need he provided for me, as promised in the scripture.

I know these things may seem small, but I believe you can find and experience God's grace and love in the smallest of ways. Revelife has a really great article questiong how people experience God the most. Normally, I, like many others, feel and see the Creator's glory in nature and music but today, I saw him in a way more personal than I had ever experienced. In the words of Press Play, "Life is beautiful". I intend to live it to the fullest.

 "If God were small enough for our minds, he wouldn't be big enough for our needs."

Good Night and God Bless!

xo
Espere

Life right now is lots of cold weather, homework, and dramarama!

Love triangles are NOT my thing so I just might secede.

ugh.

Espere

Despite the fact that the last 14 or so years of my life were spent in the church, my personal relationship with Christ didn't start until about a year and a half ago. I was on a plane back home from Florida and was skipping through the XM Radio stations when one song (can't remember it now) caught my attention. This song just so happened to be on the Christian radio station. Now as I said before, Most of my life had been spent in the church so I was used to the usual gospel songs, hymns, etc. but, this was praising God in a sound that caught my ears, blew my mind, and quickly opened my heart. This was worship in rock form!

As soon as I got home I began to research the songs that I had heard and a whole world I never even knew existed opened up. Jeremy Camp, Skillet, toby Mac! When had this new form of worsip appeared? Why didn't I know? I didn't know because until then, church was more a weekly routine/obligation for me. Sure I enjoyed the discussions in Bible study but the services were just boring! Even if I wasn't tired, there was just something about the dim lighting and the choir that just made me nod off. But, after finding this new and amazing music that not only sounded great but that made me feel great, like I was a part of something totally bigger than this world, I became genuinely curious. Since then, I've taken the initiative to go to different conferences and festivals not only for the great bands playing but to learn more; to aid my quest to get closer to my Father.

Since then, sure I've stumbled, fallen down, and backsled, but ultimately I always end right back on the road to Him. I love the Lord. There's no feeling in the world like the feeling you get when you know you're safe in His grace, love, My God really is an awesome God and somehow, I always knew that. In my early teens years, I'm kind of embarased to say, I was full of teen angst. I have no idea why I did the things I did then or felt the way I did but I hated my life, I hated my dad for cheating and breaking up our family, I hated my mom for not letting me do whatever I wanted, I hated my sister for feigning perfection. I'd find myself listening to depressing music and crying in my room, I'd lie to my mom and friends about even the most trivial things, and still, even in those darkest hours, when I'd sit on my bedroom floor with my head against the door, sobbing, "I hate my life! I want to go home! What is home anyway? This place is just a house that I live in with my family. Everyone hates me! Why was I even born?!" Even at these times of desperation, I'd always correct myself and say, "Nobody loves me but God."

Though I'm still working on my walk, I know for a fact that I've found that home I was searching for. It's in the arms of my Savior, Jesus Christ and my ultimate goal for 2009 is to grow stronger in His light, learn all I possibly can about His word, revel in His love, and share his glory with others, especially those close to me. It won't be easy and I'll probably have to get used to weird looks and being blown off, but if I can bring even one soul to Christ, I know that I can die happy.

In honor of the new year, we spoke about goals in Bible study today. Basically, the main idea was that if you have a goal, or a plan in your head and you belive with all your heart that that's part of God's plan for you, and you take the appropriate steps to acheive that goal, it shall come to pass. In other words, "If you can believe it, you can acheive it!" I've been this about this a lot and though I haven't the slightest idea what God's ultimate  plan for me is, I do have some goals that I feel need to be and will be achieved in 2009. Those goals are the following:

• To be more honest with myself
• To be the best that I can be (academically, physically, emotionally, and spiritually)
• To do what I love and love what I do (my goal for life in general)
• To have more self-control and not conform to/live by society's norms
• To love myself and accept my imperfections
• To encourage my younger sister to do what she loves and live for herself

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"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her"

I want my heart to be lost in God. I'm through relationship searching before even really starting. I'm trusting in God to bring the necessary people into my life. I know that he already has so far.

*I've also been watching Bill Maher's new (patronizing and close-minded) documentary "Religulous" and one of the interviews was with the actor who plays Jesus Christ at the HolyLand Experience in Orlando, Fl (An awesome place! I went last summer) and when questiond on how God can possibly be the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, this Christ-like man, (no pun intended) responded with the greatest and most understandable explanation I've ever heard.

"It's like how water can be three thing: liquid, ice, and steam. It's still water."

So far, 2009 is off to a great start for me. Hope all is well with the rest of the xanga community. God bless!

Espere